CAPTAIN KIRK SEZ IT LIKE IT IS: “THIS SHOW IS A DISASTER” (OSCARS - 2013)

Well, it all starts off with a puff of smoke as Captain Kirk’s (William Shatner) Paper Mache Space Ship hovers over Seth MacFarlane. Space was not what it used to be. Kirk looked like he wanted to zoom away. As Judy Garland would say: - “Oh My!”

Sure, Seth MacFarlane as host at the Academy Awards had a few funny moments. Some of them however, are really off the chart. But then, it’s not all MacFarlane’s fault – the Awards show was dragging everyone into the gutter – boobs and all. What is it with the dresses half way down around their waist? I recommend that the next time around – show a little class.


And talk about unnecessary length at the show; was it really necessary to have Michelle Obama, and a small Army - as part of the show? No, it wasn’t! It really had nothing to do with an awards show that is supposed to show off the best of Hollywood. Leave the side show stuff to the politicals. I love M.O. – but not at this potty mouth awards show. Some in the audience had the look of “Please let me get out of here!”

MacFarlane got some eyebrow rising from the audience as he sang about actresses’ breasts. We already had to cover our eyes - it was like a painful Porno movie. And then there was MacFarlane’s joke about Abraham Lincoln’s assassination. Not funny! MacFarlane has a charming way about his self – but I think he went a little too far.

And what was a star like Kristin Chenoweth doing on the Red Carpet - lowering herself to interview Stars that wrap themselves into fake smiles and hugging the cameras? And yes, they did look down at their own twin peaks, to see that they are still there. Or at least the Silicon.

Someone said on the Red Carpet to her escort – “Are you on your Meds tonight?” Of course, we hope it was a joke. Now, here’s the deal. “The Golden Globes” are now way up in the classy side of Hollywood Awards – where they sit at tables with their friends and drink a little with dinner. Now, the Globes are way above the down scale Oscar Awards. Here’s a question: - why did they move the Oscar Orchestra away from the Dolby Theatre (three blocks away?” Was that a Zen thing? You know, keep them away so that the Stars can concentrate on how clever they are, up on the stage.

This was a tortuous evening of the ‘Best and worst moments of the five hour evening.’ Mostly Worst! Actually, it was embarrassing. Someone who went backstage when they didn’t win said to someone else: “I’ll have another drink – I didn’t win!”

Oddly enough – Barbara Streisand came out of the dark. Her voice still charms everyone. Several people asked – “Did she have some work done?” I couldn’t tell, I wasn’t that close – but she did look great. Can’t deny that she is still at the top of her talents.

They should make a movie about this Awards show. It could be a comedy or a tragedy. In this show – until then – lets just say that Captain Kirk’s evening was indeed a disaster. Wry smiles, and all.

RATING: TWO BOXES OF POPCORN!!
(highest rating is four Boxes)

(((Lee Hartgrave has contributed many articles to the San Francisco Chronicle Sunday Datebook. And he produced a long-running Arts Segment on PBS KQED)))

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