Hey Bay Area, how’s it going? Greetings from the Central Valley. You remember us – it’s that yellow place you drive through on your way to Burning Man. Wanted to talk politics with you today. I know, I know, you’ve got issues of your own. Issues like, hmmm, should we elect the lefty Democrat, or the far left progressive? Wow, times must be tough for you guys. But just for a second, I wanted to let you know that, um, well, we miss you guys. Because over here, we’re having some real trouble. Those people you read about in the Sunday New York Times, who believe ‘Rush is Right’ and abortion’s cool like, never? Yeah. They’re over here. Big time. And that whole budget thing, that ended up having disastrous consequences for poor and working class people everywhere? Well, that was sort of our fault. Not to sound like we’re trying to tell you what to do, Bay Area – we know how you hate that – but we did want to point out that without your help, we might be in this mess a long time.

Look, we know how good it feels to be around people just like you. Heck, a lot of us lived in the Bay Area for a while, or at least go there for concerts and think, damn, this is niiiice. But the problem is, after our visit, there’s so few of us when we get back home, the Republicans get to run the show. And with no one around to hold them in check, they can get a little crazy.

Remember that John Doolittle guy? You know, U.S. Representative, took some huge bribes in the Jack Abramoff scandal? This might jog your memory: loyal Bush supporter, opposes gun control and abortion, wants to privatize social security, and anti-immigrant. Wow, sounds scary, huh? Must be from Kansas!

Hey, get this, Bay Area – you could get in your car right now and drive an hour and a half east and be in John Doolittle’s district. Woah! Freaky!

Ok, so now you’ve at least got some kind of idea of what goes on over here, right down Highway 80. Now let’s turn to this whole state mess.

Hopefully you’re at least aware that Republicans in Sacramento get to hold the state budget hostage every year. There’s this wacky thing called the two-thirds rule that means 2 out of 3 members of the Senate and Assembly have to approve a budget or any new taxes to be approved.

‘Wait a second,’ you ask. ‘Isn’t California, like, 92 percent Democrat, 7 percent Green, and 1 percent Peace and Freedom Party?’ Wrong there, Bay Area! 32 out of 80 members of the Assembly and 15 of the 40 members in the Senate are red-blooded Republicans. And in addition to the usual litany of conservative beliefs that go along with that party affiliation, almost every one of them signed pledges to never raise taxes. Never.

“Well,’ you follow up. ‘They must all be from Orange County! That filthy place! It must be all the Scientologists turning them into crazy people!’ Ah, if that were only the case. In the State Senate, the minority leader Dave Cogdill’s district includes chunks of land west of Stockton. That’s right, Bay Area – right in your back yard! No Scientologists for miles! And another big name, Dave Cox, includes part of Sacramento County and…brace yourselves…your beloved Lake Tahoe! Your winter weekends are watched over by the Republican Vice-Chair of both the Appropriations and Local Governments Committee.

Surely the Assembly can’t be as bad, right? Um…how do I say this…

Let’s start with Roger Niello. The Vice-Chair of the Budget Committee, Niello served as the Republican lead on this year’s budget, playing the role of the loudest ‘no new taxes’ cheerleader, and essentially working tirelessly to drive the whole budget process into the ground. He represents – you guessed it - a big portion of Sacramento County and areas east of there.

And Mike Villines? Top Republican dog in the Assembly, big time righty, and enemy of progressives everywhere? Well, he’s just down the road in Fresno. Alan Nakashi’s in your backyard of Stockton, and the representatives of Districts two, three and four are all Republican, and all in beautiful Northern California.

Sorry to depress you, Bay Area, but here’s the point - your local battles are important, there’s no question about it. But huge decisions get made in the state capitol all year long, and they’re being made by people that you wouldn’t shake hands with. So c’mon, Bay Area.

Follow our state races, and help us out when you can. You wouldn’t believe the difference you could make.

Or maybe … just maybe … what if you moved here? I know it sounds like crazy talk, Bay Area, but hold on … houses over here are like 5 bucks! Ok, ok, I just got carried away. But they are cheap. And cool people are over here, too, Bay Area. Did you know the band Pavement is from Stockton? No joke! ‘Course, they move Portland, but who doesn’t move to Portland eventually anymore?

Also, we know like half of you grew up over here. Don’t try to deny it. Dad’s getting older, Mom worries about you all the time. C’mon, return home, prodigal sons and daughters. Frankly, us Democrats out here, we’re not much different than your parents…

…we admit it, Bay Area. We miss you.