Shhhh. Don’t say anything; I already know what you’re thinking

You’re thinking, what is this Talking Spirituality column doing in my Beyond Chron? You’re wondering if there wasn’t some mistake—perhaps the editor accidentally put this spiritual post in among the news, when he meant to put it in his other, secret side paper, Metaphysical Moms. (Which actually already is a pretty useful website. Sorry, Randy.)

And you’re also thinking that you’re feeling a little hungry. Yes, you’re feeling hungry and you’d love some chocolate…

I know. I just blew your mind. How did I wheedle my way into your subconscious and pick out these most personal thoughts? Well, if you must know, I am a psychic now. Yep, as of last Sunday, I can read your thoughts like a bathroom wall.

Okay, not really. The truth is, I have been writing for Beyond Chron for months—only for the past few, I have taken a short hiatus, mostly due to… what’s that word? Oh yeah: work. So if you’d forgotten about Talking Spirituality or perhaps even missed the boat completely, don’t worry, because I’m back.

And now I can read your mind like freakin Dr. Xavier. I mean, how else could I have known that you could use some chocolate?

Unlike Dr. X, though, I came across this newfound psychic ability, not through a mutation in my genes, but through a yoga workshop: Psychic Development with Stephanie Snyder. It was held at Urban Flow Yoga, which I have gushed about once before in this column, but this was no regular yoga class.

Now, I am literally sworn to secrecy in revealing the precise methods used in this workshop, and I’d say if I told you I’d have to kill you—but that doesn’t seem very yogi-like. So, rather, if I told you, it would just be kind of a betrayal of trust between myself and the teacher and I’d be guilt ridden for years and probably have to seek therapy, which would be expensive, and time consuming, and… and… screw it. If I told you, I’d have to kill you.

What I can tell you, though, is that the workshop involved a lot of breath work and visualization; moving through the chakras and clearing them as a group. We sang out cleansing mantras, so loud, so ringing, that I am certain the people walking by below came away smiling or feeling lighter. Then we did a purifying vinyasa practice, moving, breathing as one, building the energy within ourselves, and the room, and the city around us. Did you feel it?

Two and a half hours later, the workshop was over; but its effects had only just begun. I came away floating—a sweaty seraph walking down Market; and all day, no, all week, I have felt more in tuned and more connected with the world around me. Sure, I can’t exactly read your mind, but I can tell you this: that workshop made me feel, if even just for a moment, more connected to myself, to the world, and the Life around me, than I have in a long time.

Also—you really do want some chocolate. So just got get it.