I once read a quote that went something like this: “The emotions that you won’t have end up having you.”

…Or was it “feelings” that end up “coming through”?

Okay, I don’t exactly remember the wording, but the message has stuck with me all the same: When you suppress your feelings long enough, they’ll come out eventually—be they as a physical symptoms like sickness, discomfort, or other health issues; or as emotional indicators—distance, numbness, or eventually, a flat-out losing-your-S*** fest. One way or another, those suppressed emotions are going to have you, and you’ll be powerless over them.

For me personally, I have spent the last couple of years really working on cleaning up these stifled feelings, and through meditation, a magical journey abroad, the support of friends, family, and a spiritual community, I have been allowing myself to open up a little more each day. Of course this is an ongoing process, and just like an addict might reach for a fix when things get tough, I find myself reaching within and closing off when I am scared or feeling alone.

Which is why I’m writing this post. Not because it is therapeutic for me to reach out, rather than in (though thank you, readers, for lending me your eyeballs) but because I want to tell you about an experience that I had recently—an instant Life Cleanse, if you will—that you can do too.

This Life Cleanse came in the form of a sound healing and meditation during The Center SF’s Holistic Health Saloon event last Sunday. Now I’m a bit new to the city—I just moved about a month ago, by myself, with no job, and no real plan (hence the recent anxiety)—so I hadn’t heard of The Center until this event. For those of you in the same boat, The Center is located in Lower Haight in what used to be the Sacred Heart Church. It is a “community-oriented melting pot for conscious evolution,” for “transformational and expressive events.” Expressive events like this Holistic Health Saloon.

The whole day was devoted to health and healing—there were acupuncturists, massage therapists, intuitives, many different types of healers, activities, food, and drinks. And at the end of the day there was this sound healing and meditation. We gathered in the beautiful Bamboo Studio and sat in a large circle. We started by going around the circle, introducing ourselves, and sharing with the group two prayers—one for ourselves and one for somebody we love. As everyone’s eyes turned to me, I knew before I even opened my mouth that those emotions I’d been suppressing—the fear of a new city, of being alone, of failing, of succeeding—well, they were about to be expressed, most likely in a torrent of tears.

I was right.

After we’d gone around the circle, Mary Spicer guided us through a meditation and then the sound healing. In the sound healing, Mary uses her voice and sound vibrations to “heal the subtle energy systems… of a client’s emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical body.” And as her voice reverberated throughout the room, hot tears poured down my cheeks, and by the time it was over, I physically felt looser, lighter, and a tightness in my throat that I didn’t even know I’d been carrying—was gone.


So be aware. Ask yourself, often, how am I feeling? Am I feeling? If the answer is no, you may be suppressing your emotions. Which is fine—we all do it, from time to time. But be sure to allow yourself to feel them when you’re ready, to release, and move on. Because those emotions that you won’t have, end up having you.

Or whatever that saying is.

If you feel stuck in any way, I highly recommend getting in touch with Mary Spicer or keeping up to date on any of the events continuously going on at The Center. I know I’ll be back—maybe I’ll see you there.

Photo Courtesy of: TheCenterSF.com